So last Saturday I graduated college. woo hoo! Four years of slaving and bitching and wondering if college was supposed to be so depressing and I’m out. And then in the same day I’m really out, and moved back home with my parents in the middle of “bum fuck nowhere” as some of my countrified friends would say. So here I am. Home. With. No. Friends.
I’m on day five of this living at home thing and I’m in varying stages of anxiety and hopelessness and on occasion feeling confident. The first thing I decided to do upon arrival was to examine my childhood bedroom and see how I could fix it up this time around. It now sits in a disgusting state of disarray and essentially everything I’ve touched since the age of 16, which includes piles of stuff.
piles of stuff I don’t want to get rid of but don’t want in my room, piles of stuff that I’m keeping and don’t need to be in my room, clothes I haven’t worn but might, random paper scraps that need to be relocated, etc.
In order to give my brain a break from the suffocation that is my room right now, I went to the library yesterday. A glorious break. I spent two hours in there and only left because of fear of parking ticket (FOPT), like FOMO but just intensely more expensive. probably equivalent in paranoia. Anyone who has the gull to give a library patron a parking ticket is practically promoting illiteracy anyway.
I’ll categorize these fantastic books I selected in a storytelling mode so you can see the bajillion of directions my brain is currently going in (anything but thinking about THE ROOM…..SHUDDDERS). perhaps you can diagnose me with some sort of illness. At least then I’d have something tangible to directly attack. also since I checked out so many god dang books and have a lot to say about these books that I think I’ll make this part one and have a part two post and maybe a part three, because HOORAY FOR BOOKS.
But FIRST, I stopped at Barnes and Noble to spend the rest of my gift card. I was on the prowl for the latest and last issue (*super intense sobbing*) of Lucky Peach, which bills itself as a food and writing journal (beware, it doesn’t take much to fall in love!). It’s pretty much known for it’s quirky, expressive writing content and absolutely beautiful pop art-esque design work missed by others besides myself also.
I also bought Bon Appetit, which I’ll have to settle for once Lucky Peach wipes itself off the planet. It seems obvious to me that they’ve tried taking a few design cues from Lucky Peach over the years. While still a good magazine, it’s produced by a publishing megagiant and not by a small San Francisco hipster staff.
(pictured with graduation flowers, stolen from a school awards banquet, not gifted. a reminder of the previous life I’ve lived.)
But next…. THE LIBRARY.
- Books about getting myself together.
I took several wandering routes down several aisles and discovered that there are literally self help books in any subject—- cooking, fashion, mommy help, whatever. So here’s a few I landed on.
I’ve already started reading this one because it seemed v applicable. 15 Pages in and I’ve established that this is the type of book written by someone who lived and worked in the bustle of Washington D.C. who at 28 quit his job and now gives career advice to “clueless” people like myself, drinks lots of Kombucha, and swears by yoga. Going to continue reading so I don’t hurt his feelings.
Well I guess I chose this one because of the paper weight. It’s like my favorite kind of heavier, matte magazine pages. workbook-like. And of course there’s the appeal of the cover design and the word “roadmap” because doesn’t every 20 something drool over the notion of roadtrips. I’ve actually already checked this out before and never read it. second times the charm. maybe.
I guess this is me admitting that my fierce independence sometimes looks more like inability to establish real connections with people. I like people and I’m capable of not being awkward, but beyond that I’m not totally great at feeling for people or investing my time in other’s lives unless I really should. So here’s this book for my fixer upper self. I’m sure it will land me the job of my dreams and the world’s best boyfriend for Natalie and also maybe a great house with a view and a sweet kitchen and weird unconventional tiny doors or something.
This bills itself as a Buddhist magazine but I pick it up every once and a while because the concept of slowing down and enjoying your life just seems appealing to most humans. And of course that cover call-out ‘Overcoming Ill Will’ seems to have my name all over it as I’ve been a particularly angry version of myself as of the late.
That brings us to the end of part one of this library book haul. Please visit part two for more bad, funny jokes and interesting book titles and mostly ranting.
Anyway, the job search is on. I supposedly have a summer job working for a local park system which mostly just means water flowers with a giant cube and being the flower keeper, but we shall see. I also realize that my time in my 20s is v v valuable so I’m trying not to waste it but can’t decide if I should try to work and live abroad, get a job in the park system or just move to California and find someone to sew for. Or none at all. Just get a job as a journalist for a small town paper.
P.S. I actually figured out a way to deal with THE ROOM. I’m going to put anything I want to keep but don’t necessarily want to see in bins and label them. Then by the end of the summer if it’s not something I missed or feel particularly in need of, I’ll get rid of it.
Today is fill the buckets day. We’ll see…..
p.p.s. I’m making freakin’ mix cd’s off of stuff i download from bandcamp to make my cigarette/rainy drive to my oil change in yet another local smalltown, the ultimate retreat from doom.
artists include The Symposium and Men I Trust and also the record label Milk! Records, all of which are worth giving a lesson.
peace, stay tuned for more book rants.